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Bathroom humor: the funniest sort of funnies.

31 Mar

My four year old stuck a bead up his nose at school. The teacher sent it home in a ziploc…that’s not a quote, it’s just funny.

Little brother’s cautious approach to winter playtime:

If you throw snowballs at your butt they will get in your butt crack. So let’s not do that.

Big brother on his obsession with earwax:

I stuck my finger in my ear and it smells yucky and kind of weird. Papa, do you want to smell?

Big bro yet again…and to this I would answer, absolutely son, absolutely…

Wouldn’t it be cool if you had clothes that were pink like your skin and everybody thought you were naked?

Big bro, on life:

Do babies come out of their mommy’s mouths? (FYI, An honest and lengthy explanation from mommy followed this one. No stork included.)

Big bro’s response after little bro injured his left leg in the tub and refused to wash it:

It is going to smell like pigs. Pigs do nothing but make a stink.

Little brother, still in the tub (we spend a lot of time in the there apparently):

I don’t want to wash my stinky tush.

Big brother responds, using his mommy voice:

But then you will say eeeeew for your whole wide life. Now do you want that?

Friday funnies return

10 Dec

Little brother handing over his toy cell:

Do you want to play a game on my phone papa?

Big brother calling me out:

Son: Mommy, you farted.

Mom: How did you know?

Son: Because the stink is so high.

Mom: (cracking up) So high?

Son: Yeah, high like a skunk.

Little brother blinking repeatedly:

I can’t wiggle my ears, only papa. Not me. I can only wiggle my eyes, like this.

Big brother reflecting yet again upon smelly fingers:

If you put your finger in your ear and then smell it, it will smell like trash.

The brothers bonding over potty talk…at mommy’s expense yet again:

Big bro: Do you think it would be cool if you could poop with your wiener and pee with your tush?

Little bro: Yeah, and you could do it sitting down, like mommy.

Little bother handing a flashlight to the AAA guy changing the car battery:

This needs a new battery too.

Big brother riding the chair lift skiing with mommy:

Are we as tall as papa right now?

Little brother, as mommy ties a balloon string:

Are you good at everything mommy?

Friday funnies: courtesy of big brother (age four)

12 Nov

While falling asleep:

Papa, if I stick my hand in my crack I’ll get stinky finger, huh?

While driving to school:

Mommy, when it rains does the rain know that cactus only likes a little water?

Right before his fourth birthday:

An allergy is when you don’t like something…I’m allergic to not cool cars.

After papa tells him not to say “I want mommy” one more time:

I want someone whose name starts with ‘M’, and is an adult.

After a child at school states that her dad has a big fat belly:

Well my dad has a big fat penis.

Friday funnies: courtesy of little brother (age two)

12 Nov

Staring down and a sticker that has lost it’s stick:

It’s out of batteries.

Driving home from school with Grammy:

I want to go in mommy’s pocket.

Looking at a Buzz Lightyear action figure:

He has not cozy eyebrows, only hard ones.

Pulling a bra out of the laundry basket:

Here’s your boobies!

Looking at his poop in the potty:

That’s my poo. I don’t eat poo.