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I’ll send the bill to Nyquil…

24 Oct

Guess I should start with an apology to my husband who is finding out this information at the same time as the rest of the world. Honey, it’s not as bad as it looks, and I promise to have it fixed to the best of my ability by the time you get home tonight. Sadly, it may take me about that long.

It all started with a rat. Eeew. Which my husband caught last night (double eeew) while the dogs slept soundly in their memory foam beds and I hid underneath the covers. This morning I walked into the kitchen ready to contend with the harsh reality that a hairy, disease ridden rodent had been cavorting with my fruit bowl under the light of the moon. Every countertop, every baseboard, every visible surface was potentially harboring rat cooties, and before I could even start making the kiddos breakfast I knew I would have to slap on some dish gloves and dip the kitchen in bleach.

Now here’s the thing about that. I’m not a germophobe. I know all about good and bad bacteria, about the over-use of hand sanitizer, about what harsh chemicals can do to our bodies and environments. But rats? That’s BAD bacteria, no matter how you slice it. So I cleared away the cobwebs from the back of the kitchen cabinet and dug out the big guns. Lemon scented Lysol, folks. That old familiar headache-inducing stand-by which I avoid using at all costs, but fell prey to in my moment of weakness.

Before I go any further, I have to tell you the other half of the story. I’m not defending my actions, just squelching any rumors about my natural hair color or IQ from the get go… Continue reading

A recipe, and the most awesome post script ever (and by awesome I mean horrifying)

26 Jul

I’m cooking and drinking wine, which means that the fire alarm is going off but I don’t give a shit. It’s one of those days that can only be solved by alcohol and a good family meal. Wait, that’s every day. Welcome to my world.

This is me, knife (that look says don’t cross me), and wine. Off camera my longtime BFF The Joy of Cooking. It holds the secrets to our universe, for real.

Sadly this is the only picture I can provide for tonight’s meal. I tried snapping some non-iPhone photos and set the simmering pan of wine on fire. And right before that when I tried shooting the lamb chops browning I set off both fire alarms. Simultaneously. Talent, folks.

Okay, so lemme rewind a sec here and recap the last few weeks thus explaining the need to ingest half a bottle of wine and drown our dinner in the other half. Continue reading

What I didn’t do today

27 Apr

1) Pack lunches or take the kids to school (cue victory cry). In our house Friday is “Papa Day” which means that the kids eat a wholesome breakfast of cinnamon and sugar toast, get themselves dressed in 45 seconds, and have plenty of time left to watch Bubble Guppies before my husband drives them to school. But not before he throws me the snide “Don’t I make this look easy” look. Yes, honey, you do. You and Nick Jr.

2) Shower at the gym. Which proved to be a mistake since my quick dash out for groceries after yoga turned into 2 hours at 3 different stores…and me, the stinky mom in the bread aisle.

3) Go into the office. I admit it – I love working from home! Especially when it allows me to sidetrack and prep for my little dude’s 4th birthday party tomorrow. It’s a Puppy Party. With 10 real live puppies. Really, there’s a company that does that. It could be magical, or a child could end up with rabies. I’ll let you know how it turns out.

4) I didn’t not get a tattoo. That’s a double negative. Which means that I did! I actually got 2, which completes my half sleeve (happy dance!). I got a compass with the boys’ birth flowers behind it, and an anchor with Kevin’s birth flower and a banner that says “steadfast”. I’d post a pic but I’m swollen and in pain, so instead here’s a shot I snapped of the drawing. More pics next week!

Aren’t Fridays the best day not to do stuff! Try it next week. You’ll like it. Happy weekend, friends!

It’s raining!

11 Apr

That makes people drive crazy in So Cal. It also makes some of us act crazy. Remember this pic?

This is how I feel about the rain too, but instead of getting naked I prefer to snuggle up indoors with a nice cuppa somethin’ warm. The perfect day to be working from home where no one in the world knows that I’m still in my yoga clothes. Except for maybe now you. But you won’t judge me for it, and I’m my own boss, so rain on grey clouds, I’ve got the best seat in the house.

Questions from a no-name blogger

30 Mar

So lately I’ve been getting a lot of heat from y’all about monetizing this here blog. At first I said no, then I thought about it, and now my head kinda hurts. Here are my questions, and until I get some answers I’m on blog-research strike.

1) Do my family and friends *really* count as subscribers? They’ll love anything I write or I’d disown them. I can’t see how that’s fair.

2) Is there such thing as a list blogger, and can I become one? If so, how many numbers are necessary to form a proper list? I’m thinking 4 to be safe (2 being merely a couple and 3 being only a few), but I’m open for discussion.

3) I like to interact with *real* people. Is that a problem?

4) Is blogging while driving safe practice? One more ticket and I lose my license.

5) I can only write when a child is home sick from school or I’m procrastinating the type of work that pays or keeps me married. Again, is that a problem?

6) Is cussing OK? This is not a poll, and if you don’t like it you can kiss my ass. This is called creative license. It’s just sometimes I wonder…

7) I like to check e-mail. And that tab is right next to WordPress on my toolbar. This is distracting. And also not a question.

8) I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again – I don’t know how to type. And yes, I was an English major. It’s not only embarrassing, it’s also time consuming.

9) What if I run out of ideas? Will people keep reading if all I have left are pictures of what I ate for breakfast?

And with that, I’m out of ideas. Hit me back with answers, or any questions that I may have forgotten. Just nothing absolute or stressful, please. I’ve got those bases covered all on my lonesome over here. Cheers!