Tag Archives: Ryan Lochte

Top 10: Things I flippin’ love about Ireland

18 Mar

I’m not Irish but wish I were. I could use a free pass to drink beer for breakfast and wine in church. Also? Freckles are cute. Need more reasons to love Ireland? You’re welcome…

1) Green beer. I wouldn’t touch this shit with a 10 foot pole but everyone else looks so festive drinking it, and can count each pint glass as a full serving of vegetables. I may add some to my next batch of meatloaf.

2) Limericks. I love rhyming. Here’s one for ya’, from me. I wanted to put either the word vagina or goatee in it, but couldn’t figure that shit out so…

There once was a mom from LA
Who wrote crappy poems all day.
Before long lack of rain
Began shrinking her brain
So she drank to find good shit to say.

3) Freckles. You already know I think they’re cute, but for us creative types, freckles also provide hours of entertainment. Waiting for a pool table? Play connect the dots on your Irish buddy’s forehead. Bored of darts? Pull down your pants, Reilly McIrish, those ass moles make for an arduous drunk target. In a springtime slump? Throw your freckled friend on a lawn chair and watch him turn pink. I’m an endless fountain of creativity here, folks. Continue reading

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